God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
