This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
