She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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