Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
did you just send me my own nude
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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