the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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