im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize