I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize