I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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