he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
