why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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