Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
