Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
