you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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