dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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