I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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