Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
