Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
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how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
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Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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