I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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