o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
