We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
we have pet lesbian snakes
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
