hotel room ftw
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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