your thong is hanging out like whoa
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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