Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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