I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize