I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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