Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
