Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
