just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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