question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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