i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
