i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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