But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i need an iv and a liver transplant
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
