first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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