one might say we're banned from that church
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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