i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
if only i could text you this smell
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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