My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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