My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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