The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
