wrigley field is MILF paradise
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
