I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
