Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
