Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Sober January is a disaster.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This baby is an asshole
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
