god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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