What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
