Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
