Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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