Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
