Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
