i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He better not be in your backpack
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
