The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
