What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
