If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
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He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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