I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
