Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
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You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
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You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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