my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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