I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
