The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
