I wish my penis had an off switch
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize