did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
