So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
