babies were throwing up all over the place
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
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Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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