I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
