Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
