Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
