I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Farmville is her only friend.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Be still, my beating vagina.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
