I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
accomplished twins. life is a go
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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