4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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