last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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