Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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