I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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