The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize