John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
