i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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